The Cullen Circus
by Lumberchuck
Summary: Bella Swan, a lonely toothpick salesman, stumbles upon the amazing Cullen Circus on one of her travels.Will she find what she's been searching for? AU,OCC,all human.
1. Secret Magic

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

**Bella's P.O.V.**

I was trudging through the empty streets, my sneakers filled with water from the many puddles, cursing at myself.

Why did I have to choose this town to travel to? I was a toothpick salesman for goodness sakes, I was pretty sure the need for toothpicks was universal. But I chose this tiny, deserted, wet town by the name of Forks. I had been searching for hours and only found three houses, all claiming they already had a perfectly good toothpick salesman named Mike Newton. Whoever that was.

Anyway, as I was saying, I trudged through the streets, getting nowhere. Then I saw an opening in the thick forest lining the sides of the empty street. My curiosity sparked like a stray firecracker. The smarter part of my mind warned me not to go wandering into the woods in a strange town, alone. But, as always, I didn't listen to the subconscious warnings. I shoved them back into a dark corner and gave them a time-out.

Then I walked into the opening, spotting a decaying wooden sign tacked onto a tree. It read "**Cullen Circus**" in sloppy letters. I shrugged and started following the dirt road that lead farther into the forest. Ten minutes later I stepped through a tangled mess of branches and into a huge clearing.

And, what do you know, there was a big red and white circus tent directly in the middle. What a strange place for a circus. Then again, it wasn't as if selling toothpicks was what most people considered a "normal job". Strange was my middle name. At least, that's what it said on my birth certificate.

I walked slowly up to the tent and pulled open the flap, peering inside. I furrowed my eyebrows. So _this _was were everyone from town was today. The tent was packed with people, all sitting on rickety bleachers. The bleachers were a deep blue color with the paint chipping. The flakes were floating to the floor under the bleachers, giving the impression of blue dandruff being scratched off a scalp. Ewww.

I decided since I'd come this far I might as well stay for the show. Besides, maybe somebody needed toothpicks. I plopped down on the bottom row, the only place there was room left. There was exited chatter for a few minutes, then everything fell silent as the light grew dim.

A spotlight flooded the middle of the stage as two middle aged people came strutting out from the right side. There was a man with light blonde hair and blue eyes wearing a tuxedo, and a woman with caramel hair and brown eyes, wearing a striking scarlet dress with a black feathered boa around her neck. The woman struck a funky pose, smiling warmly at the audience. The man spoke.

"Welcome one and all to the annual Cullen Circus!" he shouted.

"I am Carlisle Cullen, and this is my wife Esme. We started this circus a long time ago with only two acts, and we have grown tremendously since then. What you're about to see will amaze and astonish you. And possibly persuade you to buy a timeshare. But we'll save that for later….anyway, lets welcome our first act, the wonderful and flexible, Flying Alice!" he screamed.

All of a sudden trapeze bars hazardously dropped from the ceiling and a tiny shadow flung herself into the spotlight. She was graceful and nimble as she threw herself form bar to bar, doing daring flips and twists. I watched, mesmerized. My eyes glazed over as I soaked in the wonder, drool dripping down my t-shirt.

Then as she was about to finish her finale, she froze, her face blank. The crowed waited in anticipation. A phone rang through the piercing silence, echoing through the tent. I gasped at the sudden sound. The tiny girl, dangling high above the ground, pulled out her cell phone, glancing at the number. She shook her head and flipped it open, putting it to her ear. She muttered something into the phone and snapped it shut. I heard faint mumbles sounding like "I told then not to call me at work.", and "Stupid drycleaners.", and "It was only one truckload of clothes!" then she stuck her phone in her pocket and easily finished the finale like nothing happened. The crowed clapped uncertainly. I joined in.

Carlisle and Esme strutted back out, smiling.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for act two! I'm proud to present, the tough and manly, Emmett the strong!" he screamed.

An overly muscled man wearing a purple sequined leotard walked onto the stage. He paused directly in the middle before giving the crowd a huge goofy grin. He walked over to the giant dumbbells stacked in the corner and made a big show out of lifting one, his arm muscles straining and his face turning red. Then as he held it all the way in the air, he relaxed, giving the crowd another grin. He dropped it and picked up two effortlessly. The crowd gasped and chuckled.

"What?" he asked in a deep bass. "You think I was actually having trouble lifting that thing! Yeah right, look at these guns!" he yelled, flexing his huge muscles. He then proceeded to juggle three dumbbells while whistling show tunes. He bowed and with one last grin he jogged off stage.

Carlisle and Esme came back out, and this time Esme spoke.

"Now it's time for our legendary acrobatic troupe, the Wolves!" she spoke in a warm voice.

A group of about twelve young men came cart wheeling out. They all had tanned skin and shoulder length black hair. They formed a circle, joining hands, then they broke their circle and began to do acrobatic tricks and flips over and around each other until they had a formation in the shape of a wolf's head. The crowd ooooed and ahhhhhed, including me.

They stood on each others shoulders until they formed a pyramid. Each level back flipped off, but one man tripped, taking everyone down with him. A collective grumble of "damn it Paul" chorused through the group as they scrambled to their feet. One of the burly men looked at the others sheepishly.

"Sorry. I got distracted." I heard him mutter pitifully.

"By what this time, Paul?" another asked warily.

"There was a penny on the floor." he mumbled.

I didn't hear the other man's answer because they started to do some kind of hand signal in synchronization then growled deeply as they tumbled off stage. Just as the last man disappeared behind the curtain, Paul tiptoed back out a stealthy and scooped up the penny, scurrying backstage with a giddy grin. The crowd clapped enthusiastically.

Carlisle and Esme ran out again, Esme speaking once more.

"Next up is the beautiful and talented Rosalie, the Bearded Woman!" she yelled. A stunningly beautiful blonde flounced onto the stage. She was "hot" as my ex-boyfriend Tyler would say. And she had a beard. A long, fuzzy, blonde beard that matched her hair perfectly. A few men in the crowd whistled suggestively. She gave them the middle finger. Well then.

She set up what looked like an obstacle course and whistled loudly to the left. Three poodles padded out, walking in a line. They were all wearing sweaters with neon green flamingos peppering them and were walking on stilts. Huh.

"You'll see that these poodles are better trained than the dogs in the last act." she said in a sultry voice, a smirk on her face. I frowned. I had liked the last act a lot. But then she whistled again and I became distracted as the poodles started playing leap frog. Then they jumped through hoops, balanced on impossibly small beams, and danced to the YMCA song. All because of Rosalie's clever way of whistling and her fancy hand motions. The crowd clapped earnestly as she ran off stage, her beard swaying in the wind.

Esme and Carlisle flounced back out, Carlisle speaking once again.

"Now folks, get ready, because this is the final act before the big finale!" he shouted, doing a little groovy dance in place.

"Please welcome the mighty and persuasive, Jasper the Lion Tamer!"

A tall, lean figure strode out carrying a long whip. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was wearing a gray pinstriped suit. His face was blank and unreadable as he motioned toward the back wall dramatically. All of a sudden it fell down with a muted thud, revealing a huge growling lion. The crowd gasped and a little girl beside me screamed. Or maybe that was me.

The lion sauntered out, circling the tamer. Then the tamer began circling him. It became a staring contest. The lion lunged and Jasper stepped easily out of the way, hissing. He looked pointedly at the lion and it sat down, suddenly looking bored. Jasper slapped his forehead and sighed heavily. He walked over and snarled something to it. No response.

"Use the whip!" someone from the crowd shouted. The tamer's eyes snapped up, searching for the culprit. He zeroed in on him.

"How dare you suggest I hurt such a creature!" he roared.

"Well why do you even have a whip then?" the voice asked. Jasper crossed his arms across his chest.

"Because!" he yelled.

"Because why?"

"Just because!" Jasper screamed, throwing the whip on the ground and stomping off.

There was complete silence. Then the lion got up, stretching. He looked at the crowd, yawned, and meandered off stage.

Esme and Carlisle came sprinting out.

"Errr….sorry about that folks. Jasper's our newest act and he gets a little emotional sometimes." Carlisle stated with a nervous laugh. The crowd returned the nervous laugh.

"Anyways, lets welcome our final act, the magnificent and magical, Edwardini!" the crowd clapped excitedly.

A huge puff of pink smoke exploded, and a young man appeared along with a table and a few supplies. My jaw dropped. He was gorgeous. I snapped my mouth shut and watched the stage in anticipation.

"Hello citizens of Forks! You are about to witness something so magical, so thrilling, that you'll never doubt anything again! Well, except for maybe buying cheeseburgers from a guy in a dark alley wearing a trench coat." he yelled. His voice was musical.

"I will start with a simple trick, pulling a rabbit out of this hat!" He took off his hat and turned it upside down, rummaging around inside. He pulled his arm out and thrust it toward the crowd, revealing a lump of dirt.

"Errr….dust bunny. That's not supposed to happen." he mumbled.

"Well….no matter! The show must go on!" He swiftly pulled out a wand from his back pocket. He pointed it at a bouquet of flowers.

"Abracadabra!" he screamed. Nothing happened. Then the wand exploded, covering Edwardini in glitter. His skin and clothes sparkled in the spotlight. I giggled. He was so cute. He cleared is throat.

"Well, on to the next trick!" He began to pull out brightly colored scarves from his shirtsleeve. After three scarves I saw a note attached to one.

"Oops, that's my shopping list," he murmured, snatching it off and starting to pull again.

Four more scarves later one got stuck. He stared yanking at it, pulling as hard as he could. A loud ripping sound echoed through the tent. His pants had ripped off. He stood there, his face bright red, in just his boxers and jacket. And written across his boxers, in big letters, were the words "Do you believe in magic?" I giggled again, blushing from contact embarrassment. He swallowed thickly.

"Can I have a volunteer?" he asked in a squeaky, mortified voice. I quickly raised my hand, wanting to get closer to him. He glanced around, then he locked eyes with me.

"Ummm… the young lady in the front wearing blue." he called. I jumped up, running for the stage. I tripped over the ridge separating the ring and stands, but managed to play it off as an awkward ballet move. He smiled at me. My heart leapt. He didn't seem to notice, he just held out a handful of cards.

"Pick a card, any card!" I chose the first one I touched. It was the three of diamonds. He did fancy maneuvers with the cards while I stared at his beautiful face, awestruck.

"Is this your card? Huh, huh, is it?" he asked excitedly. I bit my lip.

"Err… no." I mumbled. His face fell.

"Oh." he stated sadly. I hated to see him sad. Then he perked back up.

"Is….this your card?" he asked hopefully, whipping out the king of spades.

"Nope."

"Dammit." he muttered. We continued like this for five minutes. Then the crowd started to get fidgety.

"Maybe you should do your next trick." I whispered. He looked at me, seeming confused.

"Oh. Oh right, the next trick!" He turned to the crowd.

"I will now make this young lady…..disappear!" he yelled mysteriously.

My eyes widened. Uh Oh. He grabbed my hand and I felt a zing of electricity. Once again he was oblivious. He dragged me behind a hanging curtain. I silently prayed I wouldn't end up in the sewer or somewhere out in Idaho. I heard him yell a few words and felt a weird sensation.

I was falling…falling…falling… splat. I opened my eyes cautiously. I was face down in a pile of old potato peels. I sighed in relief. I looked around the almost pitch dark room, disoriented. Then I heard applause and realized I was somewhere backstage. I heard noises. There was a loud slurp followed by a chuckle.

"Your beard tickles, babe." I heard a voice say. I screamed and scoured the wall for a light switch. I found one a flipped it on. I was met with the sight of the strong man and the bearded lady making out passionately. I squeaked, scampering out the door behind me.

I entered another small room, filled with props. The trapeze artist was hanging upside down from the beams, comforting the lion tamer, who was sitting with his head in his hands.

"It's okay Jazzy, you'll get it right next time." she said, smiling. He looked up at her, ashamed. She started making goofy faces at him until he cracked a smile. Then she dropped down further and kissed him softy on the lips, reminding me of spider-man. Just then the strong man ran into the room behind me, ruby lipstick smeared across his face.

"Who are you and what have you done with the pickles?' he screamed. I flinched before answering in a small voice.

"I'm Bella Swan, a toothpick salesman. Edwardini poofed me back here with his final act." His face slackened.

"Oh. Okay. But what about the pickles!"

"I haven't seen any pickles!" I whispered, intimidated.

"Me either, why are we talking about pickles?" he asked. I decided shrugging would be the easiest way out. He nodded and wandered back out of the room. I turned to look at the trapeze artist and lion tamer, confusion written all over my face. They shrugged.

"We don't know about the pickles either." the girl stated. Then she held out her hand.

"I'm Alice."

I shook her hand carefully, not wanting to accidentally pull her down from the ceiling.

"I'm Bella." I answered.

Then the lion tamer held his hand out.

"I'm Jasper."

I smiled timidly at them.

"Errr…do you need help down Alice?" I asked.

"Nope, I haven't touched solid ground in six years." she told me smugly.

"Oh. How do you get around?" I asked, curious. Lightning fast, she dropped from the beams onto Jasper's back.

Jasper grinned.

"I'm her form of transportation." He demonstrated by sprinting around the room while Alice clung on effortlessly.

"Now that's what I call love." I murmured. They laughed, their difference in voice pitch making an intriguing melody. I sighed, wishing I had someone to love.

I heard a loud crash as a tall figure stumbled in behind me. I twirled around and came face to face with…..Edwardini! I tried to smile seductively. I don't think it worked. I held out my hand.

"I'm Bella."

He shook it and I hoped he would feel the electricity without the pressure of the crowd scaring him. But he didn't.

"I'm Edward." he answered.

"We have unfinished business." he informed me. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He swiftly whipped out a deck of cards and held it out.

"Pick a card!" I picked one quickly. He shuffled the deck and pulled one back out.

"Is this your card?" I shook my head sadly. He proceeded to lift cards and ask me, while I inconspicuously inched closer until our hands were touching. Then he finally pulled out the right one.

"That's it!" I shouted.

"Yes! Score!" he yelled, pumping his fists. He turned slightly, making me lose contact with his hand. I pouted. He proceeded to do the trick over, pulling out cards that weren't mine, then I was finally able to discreetly touch my hand to his again, and he picked the right card. He looked down and gasped loudly, sending me stumbling into a pile of huge clown shoes.

"Bella! Bella! Bella! You're the secret to my magic!" he yelled. Then he scooped me up into a hug, bouncing around the room like a rabbit that had spent a few too many hours inhaling paint fumes. I basked in his sweet scent. A wonderful mixture of tangerines and sweat socks. I could get used to this. Then he stopped, his expression businesslike.

"Let's test this out." he said ominously. "To the bird cage!" he screamed, throwing me over his shoulder. We stopped in front of a small coop, which Edward reached his hand into, pulling out a white dove. He tore a strip of fabric from his jacket and draped it over the bird. Then he set me down, grabbing my hand. He did some weird hand gestures then yelled

"Swashbuckler!" and pointed at the bird. He lifted up the cloth. Nothing was there. I clapped excitedly. Then he got down on one knee.

"Will you, Bella…err…whatever your last name is, travel the world with me and be my honorary magic assistant?" he asked hopefully. I looked deeply into his green eyes. How could I say no?

"I will Edward I will!" I shrieked, jumping into his strong arms.

"Wonderful! First we'll take over magic, then the whole world!" he cackled evilly.

"Errrr…what?"

He cleared his throat.

"Nothing, sorry about that."

I shrugged. Carlisle stuck his head in the door.

"We're leaving, Edward.""Okey Dokey." Edward chirped, running out into the hall. I started to run after him, but got my foot stuck in a huge pile of lion crap.

"Wait! Wait!" I called. I finally got free and sprinted outside just as their huge tour bus with pictures of walruses painted on the sides was driving away.

"Noooooo!" I screamed, waving my hands wildly. The bus braked and started to back up. The door creaked open and Edward held his hand out.

"Sorry Bella." he mumbled.

"No problem." I smiled.

And we drove off into the sun set, with Emmett burping the A,B,C's all the way.

**A/N: Reviews would be lovely. ;)**


	2. Jingle Bells

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or the song mentioned in here. It's a shame.

**A/N So, this was going to be a oneshot but a wonderful reviewer gave me the idea of continuing it, and I couldn't resist. I'll probably just keep adding on until I run out of ideas. I hope you like it.!**

**Bella P.O.V.**

**1 Week Later**

The tour bus jingled down the dirt road, Christmas music blaring out the fifteen foot speakers tied to the roof. I was folding origami in the shape of Edward's face, while humming along to Jingle Bells. Then I froze, registering something.

"Caaaaaarlisle! It's August! Why are you playing Christmas music?" I screamed toward the driver's seat.

"The circus music is broken!" he called back, sounding exasperated.

"How did that happen?"

"Ummm….I sat on it." he muttered sheepishly.

"Oh." I shrugged and continued humming.

Then I heard something terrifying.

Bone chilling.

Flat out bloodcurdling.

"Lunch is ready!" Esme hollered sweetly from the tiny kitchen.

I cringed as the sound of heavy, scampering footstep reached my ears, and the acrobat troupe began to make their way to the kitchen from the bedroom.

And I was in their path.

"NOOOOO I'm not ready to die!" I screamed, scrambling to my feet. The bus shook as the boy's roars filled the area, cracking Esme's good china dishes.

My eyes darted up to Alice's hammock, suspended from the badly painted ceiling.

"Aaaallllllliiicceee!" I screamed in slow motion, reaching up with both hands. She peeked out over the edge, her pixie-like face confused. Then she heard the rumble and her eyes widened.

"Beeelllaaa!" She shrieked her eyes going blank. She shook her head, trying to clear it.

"I can't let that happen." she whispered under her breath, determined. I watched in awe as she swung down Tarzan style, scooping me with in her tiny hands just as the boys stampeded through. She dropped me safely in her hammock, plopping down gracefully beside me.

"That was a close one." she muttered. I nodded in agreement.

Then I let out a sob as I spotted the hundreds of origami papers folded to look like my Edward's face, crushed and squished into the 70's style carpet. Alice patted me consolingly on the back before swinging off to find Jasper.

He and the lion had been having a heated argument on the pros and cons of having cotton candy or popcorn at the circus coming up tomorrow.

The lion was winning.

"But popcorn is crispier!" I heard Jasper screech.

"Roooarrr" the lion debated.

"Hmmmm…you may have a point there…" Jasper mumbled.

"Damn you and your substantial mane!" he yelled.

I shook my head and tuned it out, because this was an everyday thing around here. I laid back and daydreamed about Edward running his long fingers through my hair, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Then I heard Edward's manly voice ring in my ears and imagined him pulling me close to him, wrapping me in his strong arms.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a high-pitched squeaky voice. I was planning on scolding whoever it was for ruining my wonderful daydreams, when I realized it was Edward. I gasped.

"Edward! What happened to your manly voice?" I asked.

"I was blowing up helium balloons for the circus, and Emmett smacked me on the back so I fell and inhaled it somehow." he squeaked sounding like a mouse, or maybe wet tap shoes shuffling across a wooden floor.

"Doesn't that usually wear off quickly?" I asked nervously. He looked down at his feet.

"We may have gotten carried way." he stated guiltily. Just then Emmett walked out beside him.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaaayyyy!" he sang high-pitched, sounding like a rusted faucet.

"You too Emmett?" I asked anxiously. He nodded, a goofy grin splashed across his face. Then they began to sing a duet, their squeaky voices weaving around each others.

I covered my ears and flung myself off the hammock, running to the back of the bus and slamming a door. I slid down the back, panting. I loved Edward, but I loved being able to hear also. Then my gaze traveled up.

I gulped.

I was in Rosalie's room. She was sprawled across her bed, her beard in curlers. She had on a pink robe.

"Why hello there Bella." she said pleasantly.

"Hi Rosalie." I mumbled quietly. Her expression became stormy.

"Why are you here Bella? Don't you know you're not circus material? You're just a pathetic little girl. A pathetic toothpick salesman." she snarled.

I felt my eyes tear. But it wasn't grief for me. It was grief for Rosalie.

"Oh Rosalie!" I shouted, throwing myself beside her and taking her manicured hands in mine. She looked at me, completely bewildered. I shook my head sadly. She didn't know that I knew.

"It's okay Rosalie, you don't have to hide your true feelings from me. Edward already told me your story, how all of your life you dreamed of being a toothpick salesman. And then they broke your sweet, sweet heart by telling you toothpick salesman weren't allowed to have beards." Her face became angry for a moment, but then she broke down in tears, burying her beautiful face in my shirt

"It was all I ever wanted!" she sobbed. Then she looked up at me, her makeup smeared across her lips, her face resolute.

"Bella, don't just throw it away! You were living my dream, don't throw it away." she begged.

"Rose, I can't leave Edward. I'm the secret to his magic, without me he's nothing!" I screamed passionately.

"Besides Rose, you have Emmett, you will SURVIVE!" I shouted. Her eyes lit up.

"You're right!" she declared, then we started jumping on the bed, singing.

"I will survive!" she yelled.

"You will survive!" I yelled back.

"I will survivvvvvve!" she screamed, her voice breaking the sound barrier. She hugged me tightly.

"Thank you Bella. Thank you for helping me see the light." she whispered. I just nodded.

"Anytime Rose, anytime." Then I strutted out of the room, dropping down on the squishy couch.

_All in a day's work Bella, all in a day's work, I though to myself._

**A/N: Please review! **


	3. Bite Marks

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Really!

**A/N: Hello!!! So…I'm sorry if this chapter is a little insane, I was listening to the song "Heffalumps and Woozles" from Winnie the Pooh while I was writing this. I don't know why. Then again, it might have been insane without the song, so who knows? Anyways, hope you like it!**

**Bella P.O.V.**

I shimmied down the thin ladder, my plum colored robe billowing in the light wind. I tucked in my elbows, getting ready to jump off the bus ladder onto the ground. But, of course, my robe got tangled on the rungs and I went hurtling awkwardly onto the muddy ground. I spit out a chunk of sludge, making a mental note to brush my teeth later. Then I jumped up, shaking out my robe.

I was so exited!

Today was my first time in the circus as Edward's assistant, and I was determined to be the best I could be.

"Magic or death!" I screamed, rocketing off toward the big funky circus tent.

I'd attempted to convince Carlisle it would be cooler to have the circus underground, or maybe in a huge box draped with pink cheetah-print napkins, but Carlisle had insisted they stay "traditional".

Whatever.

I strolled backstage and was hit by the strong scent of peanuts.

But not just any peanuts, oh no.

Circus peanuts.

I grinned, soaking in the atmosphere of the area. Jasper was having one of his daily fights with the lion.

"Roar!"

"You don't want to do the show?"

"Roar!"

"I knew I shouldn't of let you watch "The Lion King", now you're depressed!" Jasper muttered, slapping his hand on his face and sighing. I rolled my eyes and continued on. They needed therapy.

Alice was on the ceiling beams, stretching out and touching her toes, a look of concentration on her tiny features. But she kept sending sympathetic glances over at Jasper, who was becoming exasperated.

"Hey Alice!" I called.

"Hi Bella!" she swung down lithely so she hung from the lower beam and gave me a high five.

"Good luck!" she called as she swung off into the prop closet. I smiled. Emmett was lifting weights, his muscles bulging. Then Rosalie strolled over, swinging her hips.

"Hey there strong man." she murmured seductively. He grinned at her.

"That's not gonna work this time babe." he said smugly. She raised her eyebrows.

"Oh no?" she asked. She slunk over and wrapped her arms around his waist, rubbing her beard on his exposed neck.

"Dammitt, you know I can't resist your beard." he muttered, throwing down the weights, and pulling her into a passionate embrace.

The members of the acrobat troupe were chilling against the wall, bobbing their heads, listening to some rock and roll. I wandered over to say hi.

"Hello, boys!" I said brightly. A chorus of "Hi Bella" rang out.

"Bella, I have something to tell you." Jacob, my favorite of the group, stated solemnly.

"What would that be?" I asked curiously.

"I love you Bella!" he shouted.

"Jacob, you don't love me. You love Jessica." I stated calmly.

"What? Who's Jessica?" he asked, confused.

"Don't lie to me Jacob, I see how you look at her. How the love and adoration leak from your eye sockets like a trickling water hose."

"What?"

"I know you love Jessica, Jacob, don't deny it! Embrace your devotion!" I shrieked. He just stood there.

Just then Jessica, the head of stage crew, ran out from the prop room.

"Oh Jacob, I never knew! I love you too!" she cried, leaping into his arms.

"What? No! I mean, who are you? Ahhh!" Jacob mumbled incomprehensibly.

"Come on Jacob, let's go talk about our wedding!"

"What?"

"Just go along with it, you know you want to." I whispered in his ear. He nodded, dazed. He walked away with Jessica in his arms, mumbling something about artichokes.

I'll never understand men.

My face lit up as Edward walked around the corner, decked out in a purple robe matching mine. I giggled, running toward him with my arms outstretched. He opened his arms wide and I jumped into them, home at last. The clash of our purple robes made us appear similar to violets. Or plums. Or lilacs. Or anything purple, really. I inhaled his scent of tangerines and sweat socks. It was heavenly.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Hell yeah!" I yelled, whooping and pumping my fists. I started boxing an invisible punching bag. Edward looked worried.

"You alright there Bella?" he asked skeptically. I clasped my hands together calmly, nodding.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry about that." He grinned, hugging me tightly. Then we walked over to the entrance, listening to the rest of the acts and mentally preparing ourselves. Deep breaths. A while later we heard Carlisle's strong voice call out from the middle of the stage.

"Now, will you please warmly welcome, the magical and wonderful, Edwardini! And his lovely assistant Bella!" he called into the crowd. I heard the roar of applause. Or maybe that was the lion. Nope, it was definitely applause!

"READY?" Edward yelled over the noise.

"YEAH!" he grabbed my hand, swinging his wand back and forth.

"Pork chops!" he screamed, and we were hurtling through what appeared to be a tube of lasagna. I felt the sauce smack my hand just as we landed safely on the stage floor. I held up my saucy hand, temporarily forgetting about the waiting crowd.

I heard a collective gasp, realizing too late the lasagna looked like blood. I hastily wiped it on my robe.

"Sorry everyone, it's just lasagna, no harm done!" I called. Nervous laughter filled the room.

There goes the flawless act I had planned! Dang it.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you to keep your hands and feet inside the vehicles at all times." Edward whispered in my ear.

I just laughed breathily, dazed from his manly voice. Or possibly his bad breath. I made another mental note to buy him mints. Edward sent a dazzling smile toward the crowd. He went through his opening tricks marvelously, his hand always lightly brushing mine since I was the secret to his magic.

I just stood there, my mind empty except for a few casual thoughts prancing through like hectic gazelles.

Weird.

But I couldn't help but wonder…if Edward had been something else, like a doctor, would I have been the secret to his medical skills? Or if he was a plumber, would I be able to help him fix pipes? Unclog a toilet? I had no answers. But at least he wasn't a therapist, it would be hard to explain while I was always sitting in the room next to him if it was supposed to be a private conversation.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Edward ask for a volunteer. He said he still wanted to keep the audience involved, even though I was helping him.

A little boy raised his hand eagerly, waving it back and forth with a grin on his face. He was in cute blue overalls, and patches of freckles were dotting his adorable face.

"The boy up front, come on down!" Edward called. The little boy scampered up to us, a look of pure excitement on his face, waving back at the crowd.

But when he turned to us, his features turned dark and he scowled. I stepped back in surprise at the hostility. Edward was oblivious, and he reached out to shake the boys hand.

"What's your name?" he asked sweetly.

"James."

"That's a nice name." Edward held up the deck of cards and I quickly jumped forward so our hands were touching again. He held out the cards to the boy, fanning them out.

The boy smiled a sugar sweet smile.

I didn't trust it.

Then he dove forward, latching onto Edwards outstretched hand with his teeth.

"Yowwwww!" Edward screamed, trying to shake off the boy. The boy held strong, and I could almost hear the skin of Edward's hand ripping.

"He's like a piranha!" Edward screeched.

He plunged to the ground rolling around like he was on fire. The boy just rolled with him, teeth still fastened to his palm. I snapped out of my shock and threw myself at them, trying to wrestle them apart. That didn't work, so I grabbed onto the boys legs, pulling him forcefully. He was still holding on by his teeth. They were powerful, like a vampire's fangs!

I dropped the boy and just started to run in circles, screaming like a lunatic. Edward just kept shrieking. Emmett ran out, and I sighed in relief. He started to pull them apart, but even his huge bulging muscles didn't make a dent in the boy's apparent determination to chew off my Edward's hand.

I stared to sob.

The audience was still frozen in shock, when Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper came sprinting out from the side, a look of terror on their faces. Alice swung out, her head bobbing though the folds of tent.

"Jasper!" she called. I saw Jasper brace himself and she dropped onto his back soundlessly.

And then it was like a tug of war, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, and me against the boy's teeth. The acrobat troupe came jogging out and joined in, but even their muscles didn't help.

One by one the whole audience joined the tug of war, and it lead all the way out the tent entrance. By this time Edward's screams of pain were drowned out by the grunts of the people pulling all at once.

Then I glanced up and saw a business like woman strutting towards the boy. Everything went quiet except for Edward's whimpers. The woman cleared her throat and put her hands on her hips.

"James, what did I tell you about snacks before dinner? It's a no-no." she scolded.

James let go.

"Sorry mother." he said, looking down at his tiny feet.

And then they left.

I dove for Edward, taking his hand in mine. There were deep teeth marks. Very deep teeth marks.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, good as ever." Edward stated woozily.

Then he passed out.

"Carlisle!" I shouted. He shook his head.

"I'll get the bandages and smelling salts" he muttered.

**A/N : Please Review!**


	4. It's not a disease!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Dun dun dun….**

**Bella P.O.V.**

All was quiet on the tour bus.

I crept stealthily into the kitchen.

I reached for the cabinet.

One foot away.

Now a half a foot away.

A quarter of a foot away…and…

"Whaz up Bella!" a loud voice boomed.

Dammit.

I recoiled my outstretched fingers, leaning nonchalantly against the counter.

"Nothing Emmett, just going for a midnight…stroll." I mumbled. He nodded.

"Yeah…you're a really bad liar Bella. Now come here and tell uncle Emmy the truth." he motioned next to him. I rolled my eyes, stepping across the small kitchen.

"Now, why were you REALLY up at…" -he checked an invisible watch on his wrist- "one in the morning?"

"Well…err…you see…I have a weakness." I admitted. He nodded understandingly.

"I see. We all have weaknesses Bella. Mine, for example, is Rosalie. And pickles." he added on, drool dripping down his chin. Then he became serious, clasping his hands together.

"What is your weakness?"

I bit my lip.

"shshsh." I mumbled.

"What language was that in Bella? Speak to me! In English!" I hung my head.

"I said my weakness is…late night cleaning." I mumbled quietly. He gasped.

"I too, share the addiction that is…late night cleaning. Some say it's a disease. An obsession even. But not I. I say it's a….dance party!" he screamed. He sashayed out of the room, and I heard the bedroom doors of the tour bus being shut gently.

He came back in and flipped on the juke box. KC & the Sunshine Band's "Get Down Tonight" came blaring from the speaker.

I tried to refrain from dancing.

I really did.

But the hip rhythm was just too much. Too…funky. I felt my hips sway…slow at first. I started snapping, tapping my foot. Doing groovy back steps in time with the beat, my shoulders rising and falling in disjointed movements. Then the image of Emmett's funky disco poses sent me over the edge. I let loose, my arms flapping and my hips gyrating.

"Yeah!" Emmett yelled. He boogied over to the cabinet, pulling out the cleaning supplies. He threw me a bottle of Windex, while he started to waltz with the mop. I started singing as I sprayed the counter, wiping it down with exaggerated motions.

"Hey Emmett!"

"What Bella?"

"I'm wiping the counters…AT NIGHT!" I demonstrated this by bopping my shoulders in a groovy beat while I scrubbed in circles. He flashed me the thumbs up.

"Hey Bella!"

"What Emmett?"

"I'm mopping the floor…AT NIGHT!" he yelled.

"You go man! You're on fire!" He swung the mop from one hand to the other, moving his hips in time with the splats of water. I picked up a plate, scouring it with the sponge.

"Emmett! I'm washing dishes…AT NIGHT!" I screamed.

"Work it girl!" he started to foxtrot with the broom, the swoosh of the bristles adding to the funky atmosphere of the room. I started tap dancing where I stood, spraying water everywhere. Then I slipped on the water, landing in a split. Emmett dropped down beside me, break dancing in the puddles. I grabbed a towel, rubbing the floor dried.

"Hey Bella, guess what."

"What?"

"You just dried the floor…AT NIGHT!"

"WOOHOOOO!" he sprayed the dish soap at me and I hit him with the dirty sponge. Then we cleaned it up. The hours ticked by in the midst of funky music and obsessive cleaning. We listened to everything from 80's hair bands to line dance. And before I knew it the rooster that haunted the bathroom was crowing piercingly. Five o'clock in the morning. Emmett sighed happily.

"I think we got a lot done." he said with a satisfied nod.

"Yes. Yes we did." I muttered awkwardly.

I glanced at him.

"Never speak of this again?" I pleaded.

"Yes. I think that's best."

We shared an awkward handshake before starting to meander off to bed.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Meet here tomorrow night?" he asked with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Deal!" I agreed.

Now, time to get a few minutes rest…..AT NIGHT!

**A/N: Hehe. I stole the AT NIGHT think from spongebob. Review if ya get a chance!**


	5. Pixie Tricks

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Dang it.

**Bella P.O.V.**

I skipped merrily into the backstage dressing room of the circus tent, excited at the prospect of being Edward's assistant in another show. I only hoped this one didn't end with teeth marks and my love writhing on the ground yelling fervently about the Muffin Man.

I'd bought him a pastry the next day. He didn't think it was funny. I giggled to myself at the memory, reaching along the dressing room walls for a light switch and humming some show tunes Carlisle had been blasting out of the tour bus speakers.

I'd finally found the switch when I felt a small hand curl around my wrist. I yelped, jumping back and tripping into a chair. A malicious cackle pierced the air, stinging my ears through the darkness.

"E-Edward?" I whimpered.

"No, my pretty. It's not Edward." Suddenly a blinding light flashed into my eyes sending floating bubbles swirling over my corneas.

"Oooo, pretty colors…" I giggled before shaking my head to clear it.

"Who's there?" I yelled through the dazzling light.

I was about to scream again when Alice's tiny figure dropped into my field of vision from the ceiling beams. I let out a sigh of relief. But then I realized where we were.

Alice's territory.

I gulped, giving her a sheepish smile.

"Hey Alice." I murmured artlessly.

"Hello Bella." she whispered, a spooky glint in her eyes. "What brings you here?"

"Well, I was just looking for a pin to fix my robe, so I'll be going now." I said with a smile, lurching out of the chair. Like a flash Alice dropped down, and with a forceful strike to my gut, shoved me back onto the chair. I whimpered.

As graceful as a twinkle in the sky she drifted back up into the rafters.

"Whew, that was a close one." I whispered to myself. I heard another cackle and looked down to find myself tied up with ropes. The knots were in the shapes of hearts. Excellent craftsmanship. Evil, but excellent.

"Now Bella, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way." Alice threatened, her tiny features scrunched up in excitement and anticipation.

"Err…what's the hard way?" I squeaked. Her face became cold.

"I can have Jasper get the lion in here." she stated calmly, but the warning was clear in her bell like voice. I gulped again, closing my eyes.

"Just get it over with." I whispered. I could practically feel the static electricity flowing like a current from her body, channeling her enthusiasm.

"Yay!" she sang, dropping down farther and grabbing the makeup and curling iron from the counter.

"Let's get this party started." I felt her violently pounding my hair to a pulp, using force to turn the straight strings of hair into what I assumed to be curly ringlets. She smeared unknown and possibly dangerous substances across my face, the jumble of colors making me cross eyed. And when the last eyebrow hair was ferociously plucked from my sore face, Alice finally stopped.

"Beautiful." she whispered, wiping an invisible tear from her eye. I rolled my eyes as she untied me. I stood up, stretching.

"Gosh Alice, that was a lot of preparation. I'm just Edward's assistant, it's not like I do anything much." I said with a yawn.

"Uhhh…yeah…assistant." she said with a nervous giggle. I glared at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked uneasily. No answer.

"Alice…AHHHHHHH!" I screeched as I caught my reflection in the vanity mirror.

"R...rrrr…red nose…blue lips? Afro?" I mumbled incoherently. Alice giggled again.

"Carlisle didn't mention anything? You're filling in for the clown today."

**A/N: Hehe. I think this might be my favorite I've written so far. PLEASE review? **


	6. CaCaw! Cacaw!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Scouts honor.

**Bella P.O.V.**

"Jasper?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Where did you get those scars?" I asked curiously.

"What scars?"

"Umm….the ones on your arms." He looked down.

"Holy crap where did the hell did those come from?" he screamed, jumping up from his reclined position on the lumpy tour bus couch.

"Alice! Alice! I have patterns on my arms! Why didn't you tell me?" he whined to his wife. Alice sighed dramatically from her perch in the suspended hammock.

"Jasper dear, you've had those scars for a long time. You knew they were there. Remember the cheese grater?" she reminded him gently.

Realization dawned on his face.

"Oh yeah. I guess I hit my head pretty hard this morning…" he trailed off.

"I told you not to try and change the light bulb by yourself. I had a feeling it wouldn't end well." she scolded him softly.

"I was trying to prove Emmett wrong! I hate his stupid jokes. It DOES NOT take more than one lion tamer to change a light bulb!" he huffed indignantly.

"Just keep telling yourself that dear." Alice giggled. He pouted.

"It's not my fault there was water on the floor and the ladder slipped." Jasper muttered.

I chuckled along with Alice nervously. I knew I'd forgotten to wipe something up after my late night cleaning spree yesterday…whoops. I listened to the soft hum of the tour bus for a few moments before I registered something I hadn't caught before.

"Wait…Jasper…I thought you got those scars from that terrible circus you used to be in before this one? The one in Texas where the ring leader used to dress you up in a lion costume for the show. You said she whipped you." I said, thoroughly confused. He shuddered.

"Oh yeah. Maria." he snarled. Then he became sheepish.

"Well…I sort of just told you that to seem tough. I actually got them from falling into a cheese grater…but I don't like to talk about that." he finished in a whisper. I nodded understandingly.

Just then Jacob strolled casually into the room.

"What's up guys?"

"Not a lot. Cheese graters, lion suits, the usual." I said nonchalantly. He nodded like this made perfect sense.

"Oh, Jasper, the lion was asking for you. He said something about an unfinished poker match…" Jacob trailed off with a shrug.

"Dammitt. I was hoping he'd forget. I already owe him twenty dollars." Jasper sighed, trudging out of the room. Jacob flopped onto the now unoccupied area of couch.

"So Bella, I was talking to Carlisle about adding a new act to the circus." he informed me.

"Oh yeah? What kind of act?" I asked curiously. He grinned.

"Motorcycle ring." he stated reverently. My eyes widened.

"You don't mean…" I gasped in horror.

"Ohhhhh yeahhhh" he sung.

"You want to drive a motorcycle in circles in a metal cage?" I squeaked.

"No of course not!" he exclaimed. I wiped the sweat from my brow. Thank goodness.

"I want us both to drive motorcycles in circles in a metal cage!" he shouted.

"What?" I shrieked. It was an earsplitting shriek that could probably be heard in some far away magical place….like Kentucky. Jacob nodded stupidly.

"Okay." I agreed easily. He laughed a throaty laugh.

At that moment Carlisle came hurling through the door, his eyes wild and crazed. His chest was heaving in panic. He looked disheveled.

"Ahhhh!" he let out a girlish screech. "The end is coming near!" he yelled, running in fast circles around the room. He spread out his arms like wings, flapping them violently as he soared up and down the tour bus.

"Ca-caw Ca-caw!" he screamed. "I'm a crow!" Esme sauntered into the room, grabbing his hand. Or 'wing' depending on the perspective. He turned to face her. She raised her hand slowly, delivering a abrupt smack to his cheek. He let out a long sigh.

"Thanks honey."

"No problem." Esme answered, flouncing back out of the room. He coughed awkwardly.

"Anyways, what I was trying to tell you is…..horrible." he shuddered.

"What is it?" I asked anxiously.

"The Volturi are coming." he whispered ominously.

**A/N: Hello! I've noticed Edward hasn't been part of the story much, but he'll be in most, if not all, of the next chapter. If you get a chance please review and tell me whatcha think. Feel free to tell me if this stops being funny, I pretty much just write whatever comes into my head, but if it's boring I can put more effort into it. And thank you so much to the two people who reviewed, you folks are AWESOME! **


	7. Big Funky Circus Tent

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

**Bella P.O.V.**

A dark swirling cloud of doom hung precariously over the Cullen Circus crew for the next week.

I had learned from Edward that the Volturi were the Cullen Circus's mortal enemies. Every year since Carlisle started the circus on an underground turkey farm five years ago, the Volturi had always beaten them in the annual circus games.

The games consisted of a showdown between two circuses, each similar act battling against each other in a face-off. A small crowd determined the winner. And the winner had never been the Cullens. The Volturi used bribes and dirty tricks to corrupt the crowd.

But not this year.

Oh no.

There was a new sheriff in town, and her name was Bella Swan.

I refused to let the Cullens be cheated out of the victory that was rightfully theirs! At that thought I jumped up from the couch I was sprawled on and let out a war cry. Esme looked concerned, but then she shrugged and went back to crocheting a pair of pants for the lion, the gossamer material resembling an elongated tube sock.

I skipped down the tour bus hall and into Edward's room. Edward had his magic top hat set up on the bed and was tapping it apprehensively with his wand. Small puffs of pink smoke were wheezing out of it and a few sparkles lay lifeless on the floor. He shook his head morosely. Then he looked up and caught my eye, breaking out into a crooked grin.

"Bella! There you are!" he exclaimed. I nodded, wandering over and kneeling down beside him.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously. His grin got bigger.

"Trying to pull a pork chop out of this hat."

"And how's that working out?"

"Well…so far I've gotten a lump of mayonnaise, the prize from the Cracker Jack box, dental floss, a mysterious image of a poodle, and a jar of pickles. But no pork chops." he stated with a sigh.

"Oh, and don't show the pickles to Emmett." he warned me gravely. I nodded eagerly, not wanting a repeat of last time.

I gently took his hand and the zing of magic flowed through our touch like being smacked up-side the head with an electric skillet. Except maybe not as painful.

His grin got even wider. I was worried that if his smile kept growing it might eventually turn into a deep black hole of danger…and if you fell in, there would no where to go but down the esophagus… spooky. I shook off the feeling as Edward tapped the hat. He reached in and pulled out a plate of pork chops, laughing manically before setting the plate gently back in, nodding with approval.

"Thank you Bella."

"No problem." I murmured, but just as I finished the last syllable, Carlisle's voice rang clear through the room.

"Are you guys ready? The V-Volturi are here." he stuttered from the doorway. We nodded sagely.

Edward scrambled off the floor and offered me his hand. I grasped it gratefully and we then began our march to the big funky circus tent. It was only as we tripped off the tour bus that I realized where we were. Back in Forks, were this whole crazy bulge of lunacy began. I smiled softly. Forks, and all other utensils for that matter, would always hold a special place in my heart. As we entered the tent Edward bent down to whisper I my ear.

"Come on, we can watch from backstage." he murmured, towing me behind the striped curtains. He leaned against the wall and I leaned against him. Together, we gasped as the show began.

Carlisle came out onto stage but instead of Esme accompanying him, a pale man wearing a dark robe and at least two foot tall high heels came strutting out beside him. He gave the crowd a sickly smile.

"Hello everyone, I am Aro, head of the Volturi circus." he exclaimed grandly, gesticulating vehemently with his cloak covered arms. He turned expectantly to Carlisle.

"I'm C-c-c-Carlisle" he stuttered, staring with wide-eyed fright at Aro. "Head of the Cullen Circus." he finished in a shaky whisper.

"The first act will be the trapeze artists in a heated face-off. Alice and Jane." Aro chuckled deviously. Carlisle screamed a high pitch wail, running off stage. Aro chuckled again, following after.

"Wait Car Car, I still need to paint your nails!" he called before disappearing backstage on the opposite side from Edward and I.

The spot lights flashed down and sprawled across the stage. I was used to seeing Alice's tiny form fling from the shadows, so I was surprised to see a second form beside her. A small girl with light brown hair was hurling herself from bar to bar almost as gracefully as Alice. They weaved nimbly past each other, doing daring flips and spins. Jane looked like she was tiring fast, but Alice was still a ball of energy, lobbing easily through the bars.

Jane stopped and caught her breath, pulling herself into a lazy sitting position on the bar. She sent an evil smirk toward Alice, her eyes boring into her form.

Then I watching in horror as she slipped a tiny electronic button from her sequined leotard and pressed it. Spikes popped from the trapeze bar to the far left. The one Alice was about to grab.

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed, but it was too late.

Alice let out a shout of pain as she touched the bar, her small form plummeting toward the ground. She managed to grasp one of the lower bars but I spotted the small trickle of blood leaking from her palm. The crowd gasped. Jane held her arms up victoriously, going for one last dazzling lap around the stage. The crowd clapped, and the huge score board beeped as the Volturi circus had one point added to their side.

I seethed, shaking my head.

"I'll get them next time." I muttered under my breath. "No one hurts one of us and gets away with it!" I yelled passionately. Edward nodded in definite agreement.

Aro came prancing back out, a broad grin on his face. He looked around in confusion and then chuckled.

"Come on out Carlisle, I won't bite!" he sang merrily from center stage. No reply. Aro chuckled again, striding backstage and forcefully dragging Carlisle by his ankles into the spotlight.

"Noooo! Have mercy!" Carlisle pleaded, his fingernails digging into the dirt as he was yanked along.

'Oh Car Car, what am I going to do with you?" Aro giggled deviously. He dropped him abruptly onto the dirt floor, turning to the crowd.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the next act will be the strong men, Emmett and Felix, in a lift-off!" he bellowed. The crowd cheered.

Carlisle and Aro left stage as Emmett and another massive man came out. Felix went straight to the dumbbells, lifting two in one clenched fist.

Emmett, on the other hand, threw his trademark goofy grin towards the crowd, rolling his eyes toward the other man as he continued to lift the gigantic weights. Emmett sat nonchalantly on the ground, whistling to himself. Felix continued to lift the weights, juggling them now. The crowd looked confused.

Then suddenly Emmett launched off the ground, running to the edge of the stage. He wedged his fingers under the wooden structure of the bleachers, straining and lifting with all of his might. Slowly, inch by inch, the whole bleacher started to lift from the floor until the crowd was clinging to the benches so they wouldn't slide backwards. Then he slowly lowered it back to the ground, letting out a huge sigh.

The crowd cheered and hooted and the score board dinged as a point appeared on the Cullen's side. Not even the Volturi's dirty tricks could halt the unstoppable Emmett! It was a tie game now. I turned to Edward, hugging him tightly.

Carlisle slithered onto stage, his eyes frightened and as wide as flying saucers. Aro ran out beside him, his high heels plowing the dirt floor with their spikes better than a tractor could have. Carlisle took a deep breath and opened his mouth to announce the next act.

**To be continued……**


	8. Big Funky Circus Tent Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Scout's honor ;)

**Bella P.O.V.**

**Previously…..**

Carlisle slithered onto stage, his eyes frightened and as wide as flying saucers. Aro ran out beside him, his high heels plowing the dirt floor with their spikes better than a tractor could have.

Carlisle took a deep breath and opened his mouth to announce the next act.

* * *

**Currently….**

"Next, will you please warmly welcome, Rosalie and Heidi the poodle trainers!" Carlisle mumbled, his words mushier than six week old egg salad.

I vaulted onto Edward's back to get a better look at the act but I couldn't help but become distracted by the way his back muscles felt under the layers of lavender velvet robe.

Mmmmm….back muscles.

I snapped out of it when Rosalie's high pitched whistle shot violently through the air. She was dressed in a ruby red prom dress and her beard had streaks of crimson highlights scattered through it. The other woman, Heidi, was wearing….a leotard. How original.

I sighed, combing through my hair with my fingers very nonchalantly. Of course, I forgot the fact I was on Edward's back and therefore came tumbling down into a pile of lion crap. Typical. I sighed again, standing up and looking back at the act. I watched the two lines of poodles come trotting out and sit patiently on the sidelines.

Heidi whispered something to Rose with a smirk.

"Oh no you didn't!" Rose shrieked, throwing herself towards the other woman and grapping quite large fistfuls of her hair. Heidi screeched, digging her nails into Rosalie's shoulders and pulling herself toward her. I heard two distinct cracks as their heads rammed together. Rosalie's feral snarls echoed through the tent.

They fought.

And then they fought.

And then they fought some more.

"Catfight!" some teenager yelled from the audience. I winced as I heard a roar come from back stage. Oh no. The lion came loping out, apparently taking "catfight" as meaning the same thing as "lion fight". Dammitt, why can't Jasper watch him more carefully?

"Holy flapjacks!" Jasper's low voice growled. He came sprinting out with a spray bottle of water.

"Bad kitty! Bad kitty!" he scolded, squirting the bottle and circling the lion with ninja-like moves. He managed to corral the lion backstage. The two woman didn't even notice. They just kept up with their crazy battle of….whatever the heck they were fighting about.

Jasper came running back out and this time he started squirting Rose and Heidi with the spray bottle."Bad girls! Bad girls!" he shouted. They broke apart in a flurry of movement.

"You got my hair wet." Rosalie said, filling each syllable with enough wrath to launch twenty four space shuttles. Twenty four space shuttles…carrying chocolate milk. Yeah. Heidi's expression was identical in fury. I was scared. The two women shared a knowing look.

"Let's get him girl!" Rosalie yelled, making intimidating motions with her clenched fists.

Poor Jasper. It was nice knowing him. I saw his life flash before my eyes. Wait a second….I just met him a couple months ago. Huh, must've been someone else's life. Who lives in Arkansas….hmmm.

I was broken from my musings when Jasper's girlish shriek pieced the air. So _that's _where Carlisle gets it from. Jasper took off running toward the tent door with the girls hot on his heels. Just as he made it through the entrance I saw Heidi latch onto his arm. Oh dear. I shook my head, moving closer to Edward. I looked up at his face. He looked devastated.

"I thought of him as a brother." Edward whispered, burying his face in his hands. I patted his back.

"Maybe there's still hope." I murmured gently.

"Yes, perhaps. Thank you, love." he mumbled. I nodded somberly, then something registered in my jumbled mind.

"L-love?" I whispered. Edward giggled.

"Of course." he whispered back.

My heartstrings pulled taunt and played like a banjo. Dreamy sigh. Aro came sashaying onto stage.

"Erm…Heidi is the winner!" he shouted jollily. I seethed. Rose should've won! That other woman didn't even have a beard….yeesh. The poodles were still sitting on the sidelines, looking a bit lost. One was eating a frankfurter. Aro twiddled his thumbs.

"Well…the next act was supposed to be the lion tamers….but since that tall lad isn't here…." he trailed off. "Well, I suppose that means he forfeits and we get the point?" he chuckled.

I was about to scream foul, when a shadowy, slightly deformed figure appeared in the entrance.

"I'm here!" the silhouette bellowed.

Jasper stepped from the shadows. He had long gashes trailing down his face and he looked hunched over. He turned to face the audience and I had to hold back a giggle. Strips of his underwear where draped over the band of his pants. That looked like the work of one of Rosalie's super-wedgies. That poor man. Heidi and Rose came strolling in, their arms draped around each other's shoulders in a friendly way. I guess they found common ground in hating Jasper. Hmmm.

I heard an animal-like screech. Alice dropped down from the beams so she was hanging by her knees.

"WHAT DID YOU TWO DO TO MY HUSBAND?" she shrieked, her blue eyes alight with an angry flame.

Uh-oh. The only thing worse than Rose angry was….Alice angry. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into Edward's chest as Alice chased them backstage where she could have her revenge.

This circus sure is violent.

I sighed as Jasper limped out to the middle of the stage.

"Alrightly then, next up are the lion tamers!" Aro stated, walking dejectedly off stage. Carlisle was nowhere to be found.

Jasper uttered a low guttural sound in the back of his throat and the lion came loping out. Instead of the usual bored glazed over appearance he usually sported, the lion's eyes were glimmering with enthusiasm at the prospect of a contest. He roared, turning to the crowd with a regal air.

The other lion tamer, Demetri, came striding out beside him. He reached in and pulled a rock from his suit, setting it tenderly on the ground. Jasper wrinkled his forehead.

"Where's the lion?" he hissed under his breath. I bit my lip, holding Edward's hand tightly. Now Demetri wrinkled his forehead.

"What do you mean? This is my lion." he murmured, gesturing to the large rock on the ground. Jasper threw his hands up in exasperation.

"You've got to be kidding me. Aro! Carlisle! You guys aren't going to let him participate…are you?" he finished in an uneasy tone.

"Yes we are!" Aro called from behind the curtain. Jasper sighed dramatically.

He took a step back, cracking his whip onto his thigh to make a sharp slapping sound.

"Sit!" he called to the lion. The lion plopped down on the ground, his tail swishing back and forth in agitation. The crowd clapped weakly. Demetri mimicked Jazz's step back.

"Sit!" he ordered his "lion". The rock remained in a perfect standstill. A few seconds passed before a booming roar of applause rumbled from the audience.

"Demitri is the winner!" Aro's once again jolly voice called from backstage.

I smacked my forehead in frustration as Jasper dropped to the ground and started banging his head on the dirt floor muttering incoherent sentences involving wombats and fortune cookies.

The scoreboard beeped.

The score was currently three to one with only two acts left, Edward and the wolf troupe. Maybe we can end this in a tie. I just hoped it wouldn't get any weirder. That hope was in vain.

** To be continued again…**


	9. Big Funky Circus Tent Part 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Pinkie promise!

**Bella P.O.V.**

**Previously…..**

The scoreboard beeped.

The score was currently three to one with only two acts left, Edward and the wolf troupe. Maybe we can end this in a tie. I just hoped it wouldn't get any weirder. That hope was in vain.

* * *

Aro walked out from back stage, his smile still as creepy as ever. He clapped his hands together giddily.

"The act that's up next is a personal favorite of mine. The magicians, Edwardini and Marcus!" he giggled. The crowd clapped politely.

Edward went still beside me. I glanced over in alarm.

"E-Edward?" I whispered, swiping a hand in front of his eyes. No response.

"Yoo-hoo, Edward!" I screamed in his ear. Still nothing. I crossed my arms across my chest and glared a him for a moment. He slowly started to unthaw, his blank face morphing into a goofy grin.

"That's our cue!" he screeched happily, throwing me over his shoulder and sprinting to center stage. He set me down carefully.

I glanced at Marcus, who was already onstage before us due to Edward's brief foray into dreamland. He was sickly pale like Aro, and was wearing a drab gray robe and no facial expression whatsoever. His eyes were as vacant as a motel in the middle of the Sahara desert. I gulped. It was almost like he was already dead.

Edward didn't seem to notice, he was waving gleefully at the crowd, throwing handfuls of licorice at them. When did he get that? I shook it off, slapping on my most winning smile and sashaying around stage.

Marcus just stood there, apparently trying to impersonate a clothing store mannequin. All that was missing was some flashy shades.

Edward whipped out his top hat, setting it gently on the ground. I stopped blowing air kisses to the crowd and touched my hand lightly to his, the magic flowing through our touch like a leaky faucet. I furrowed my eyebrows, realizing Edward hadn't told me what he was planning on pulling out of the hat today. I just hope he doesn't take it too far like last time, I don't want to be scrubbing margarita mix out of my hair for the next month again. He tapped it.

"Spicy Mustard!" he screamed, reaching deep into the depths of the hat.

He pulled out a chinchilla. The crowd went wild, whooping and stomping their feet.

"Huh, I guess chinchillas are popular in Forks." I whispered to Edward. He nodded.

"I read their minds and found out!" he whispered back excitedly.

"Uh...Edward…since when can you read minds?" I asked worriedly.

"Oh, did I say I read their minds? I meant I read their horoscopes!" he giggled.

"Oh!" I giggled along with him, bowing to the crowd.

We turned to Marcus, awaiting his act. I squeezed Edward's hand reassuringly. With no visible emotion Marcus took out a shiny new top hat from his back pocket, dropping it on the ground. He sighed forlornly, tapping the hat.

"Cornucopia." he mumbled in a bored voice. He reached into the hat and pulled out a baby rabbit. The crowd gasped.

"Booooooo!" started pouring from the people.

"How dare you bring that appalling animal into our town! Are you trying to kill us?" one woman screeched hysterically.

"Think about the children!" another screamed.

"WHAT KIND OF NASTY FREAK SHOW ARE RUNNING HERE, BUDDY?" a man yelled.

Marcus just stared at them blankly. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What's wrong with bunnies?" I whispered to Edward. He shrugged.

"You would know if you read their horoscopes." he whispered back.

"Fair enough." I nodded. The score board beeped and another point was added onto our side.

"Woohoo!" I laughed playfully as Edward twirled me backstage. I smiled.

"Now it's all up to the wolf troupe, and I know they can do it!" I shouted merrily. My optimism drained as I saw Jacob running toward us, his face morose.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I murmured.

"The whole troupe except for me has a terrible stomach bug. They're all backstage puking! Even Esme's home remedies won't help." he muttered dejectedly.

"Oh Jake, that's terrible." I sighed. I was about to go find Aro and tell him, when suddenly Jake's face lit up, the hope flooding back onto his face.

"Wait! I've got it!" he shouted, sprinting toward the tent door.

"Jacob, what?" I screamed.

"No time to explain Bells, you'll se in a minute!"

I huffed. Edward patted me on the back.

"It's okay Bella, the dog didn't mean to leave you hanging like that."

I gasped.

"Edward! don't call Jacob names!" I scolded.

"It's not meant to be mean! I call him 'the dog' and he calls me 'the idiot' isn't that fun? We're great friends." he nodded happily.

"Uh, Edward…"

"What?"

"Never mind." I mumbled. Jake came running back out dressed all in tight black leather and carrying two helmets.

"Jake, you're not thinking what I thing you're thinking…are you?"

He nodded. I didn't think he was serious when he started talking about it a few weeks ago.

"Motorcycle ring time!" he whooped, chucking me the extra helmet. I gulped. On the side of the helmet were the printed words 'Hell's Bells' in red fiery letters. I chuckled weakly at the joke.

"I don't know about this Jake…." I mumbled, looking up.

He was gone. I blinked, making sure the vision before me was real. It was. Jake was coming at me full force, the motorcycle revving dangerously. His long ebony hair was flowing freely behind him from under the helmet and the russet skin of his face was the only not covered by the skin tight black leather. Even his motorcycle and helmet was black. I swallowed thickly. It was like a bad action movie, corny but so cool at the same time.

I registered Edward kissing my cheek lightly.

"Good luck, love." he whispered in my ear.

Jacob swooped past, grasping the back of my purple robe and hauling me up. He tossed me casually onto the seat behind him and I gripped his muscled waist for dear life.

"Is this within the circus rules?" I asked desperately, searching for any chance of getting out of this.

"Yup. As long as we have a circus act, we can participate. The Volturi troupe already performed. They sucked. So as long as we do this half way decent, we tie in the games!" he giggled. I nodded.

"Alrighty. Lets do this."

"There's your bike!" he shouted, flinging me from his motorcycle and onto a shiny red one. I fiddled with the clutch for a moment before zooming onto the stage. I said a silent thank you that we had time to practice a few times already. Except not in the cage….

"Uh-oh." I whimpered to myself. The giant metal cage was already set up. Jake was right outside it, his bike idling smoothly.

"Come on Bella!" he whistled encouragingly. I felt numb. And I smelled meatloaf. That probably wasn't important though. I inched into the cage and Jacob followed. I winced as it slammed shut.

We were now in a giant sphere. So _this_ is what goldfish feel like. Hmm.

I closed my eyes and revved the engine, releasing the clutch. About a minute later I opened my eyes to find that I survived. I wiped the sweat from my forehead.

"That was great Bells! We rock!" he held out a hand for a high five. I slapped his hand lightly, driving out of the ring and holding my hands up in victory as the crowd cheered. My clumsiness bounced back full force and the bike toppled over on top of me.

"Woohoo!" was my muffled scream from under the hunk of metal. Edward ran out and helped me up, hastily wiping the dirt from my robe.

Aro and Carlisle (who had suddenly reappeared looking like he'd been tap danced on by a heard of wildebeest) came flouncing out.

"Tie game!" Carlisle cheered. Aro looked petulant, but perked up when Carlisle patted him on the back.

"Oh Car Car, I knew you'd finally realize we were meant for each other!" he squeaked, embracing Carlisle and pecking his cheek affectionately. Esme came running out, screaming like a wild woman.

"Get your hands off my husband!" she shrieked, tearing him off and kissing Carlisle passionately.

Aro looked downcast, but then he shrugged it off and started disco dancing to the funky music pouring from invisible speakers. I sighed dreamily, happy these silly games were over and I could dance in Edward's arms. Everything seemed almost normal for a moment.

That was until Alice dropped from the beams onto Jasper's back, staring at us with fear in her wide eyes.

"The waffles will arrive soon! Beware!" she shrieked, her normally wise, all-knowing eyes crazed.

"Okay dear, I think it's time for a nap." Jasper said tenderly, cradling her in his long arms.

"I'll take you to your hammock." he murmured lovingly, her frantic mumbling being cut off as he kissed her gently.

I turned to Edward. He shrugged, taking me in his arms. And we danced into the night.

**A/N: Hello! So, I just want to state that I don't have anything against bunny rabbits, I think they're adorable! I love bunnies! And I also love reviews! *hint hint***


	10. Of Wombats and Waffles

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!

**Bella P.O.V.**

I cavorted onto the tour bus, happily prancing around on the seventies style carpet.

"The wombats are coming! The wombats are coming!" I shouted to my circus companions.

"Oh-no! Not again! I had to pay that plumber three hundred dollars to wrench them out of the sink pipes last time!" Carlisle grumbled.

I paused in my frolicking to take out my false teeth.

"Oops. Sorry, I can't talk clearly with my brand spankin new set of chompers." I emphasized this my stuffing my new dentures in Emmett's face.

"I _meant _to say, the waffles are coming! Esme's is cooking breakfast!" I giggled giddily.

"Wahoo!" Emmett screamed, barreling down the bus. Carlisle sighed in relief.

"Goodness Bella, don't scare me like that. You know how high my blood pressure has been since that whole 'Aro' incident." he whispered.

"Sorry Carlisle." I whispered back. "But at least this means I won't have to pick the chunks of pea soup from last week's dinner out of the gaps between my teeth anymore!" I cried excitedly.

"Gaps? Those things were more like the grand canyon's older, more eroded relatives." Rosalie snickered.

"Oh, thank you Rose!" I smiled, giving her a hug. She looked at me strangely. Sigh. I love compliments.

"Oh! And the mailman didn't mistake me for a beaver or a woodchuck this time!" I clapped merrily.

"What about a Lumberchuck?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Nope! Besides, everyone knows those don't exist! They went extinct when their teeth rotted from the chemically treated lumber!" I explained. Silly Carlisle.

"Oh yeah." he mused, elegantly stroking his beard. Wait, when did he grow a beard? Rosalie must've taught him the techniques.

"My new pearly whites are wonderful and shiny! And there's no downside at all!" I boasted.

"Well, there is one. We can't use you as a can opener any more." Carlisle sighed.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll get you a can opener for Hula-Robot day." I assured him.

"Wonderful!" he cried.

"Carlisle, where are we?"

"Hmmm. Good question. I think we're somewhere out west." he said with a nod.

"Why do you think that? Because that thirty foot sign says Wild West?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, that, and the fact that Jasper has been outside lassoing a tumble weed for the last three hours."

"He is a bit strange, isn't he." I pondered

"Yes, quite. He and Alice make a good pair."

"Yeah. They both love high heels and sugar plum fairies." I agreed.

"Yup." he answer. And then, suddenly, for seemingly no reason at all, we started to laugh maniacally. It started out as little chuckles and soon turned into a full-blown laughapoluza with the evil villain hand gestures and all. After we'd calmed down and I wiped the drool from my blouse, I set off to find Edward.

"Ohhhhhh Edward!" I called sweetly through the tour bus, tossing handfuls of dried potpourri over my shoulder as I pranced down the hall. I heard Carlisle start to sneeze uncontrollably from behind me. Oops. I forgot he was allergic to potpourri.

"Your medicine is in the cabinet marked 'rabid amphibians'" I called over my shoulder before slipping into Edward's room. I skipped over to him and kissed him sweetly on the cheek.

"Hi Edward!" I grinned.

"Hello Bella!" he grinned back.

"Would you like to see the newest trick I'm working on?" he asked excitedly.

"Of course!" I rolled my eyes at his silliness. Magic is my cup of joe, just like it's his. And speaking of coffee, I could finally drink it with out spraying it through my teeth like a deranged water fountain! Yay for dentures! Edward held up his pink sparkly top hat and screamed the magic words.

"Quilted Northern!" he shouted.

"Wait! Edward! I wasn't touching you, the trick isn't going to go right!" I screamed over the sudden tornado winds sweeping through the room. Edward gulped.

"Uh-oh."

And then everything went black.


	11. Candy Land

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! **

**Bella's P.O.V.**

_**Previously… **_

"Quilted Northern!" he shouted.

"Wait! Edward! I wasn't touching you, the trick isn't going to go right!" I screamed over the sudden tornado winds sweeping through the room. Edward gulped.

"Uh-oh."

And then everything went black.

_**Presently…**_

"HiyaHayaHiyaHayaHiyaHaya…" a peculiar chant reached my eardrums.

"Edwaaaard, turn off your festival mantra album and go to sleep." I grumbled, squeezing my eyes closed tighter.

The chant continued. I growled, rolling out of bed. But my feet didn't touch the floor.

"Jeepers!" I squeaked, falling a few feet into a squishy carpet of pine needles.

I looked up at the tree I had fallen out of. It looked a bit like Jeff. Wait, who's Jeff? Dammit Jeff, go find your own story to star in. Anyway, as I was saying, the tree looked like….a tree. I scrambled to my feet.

"Edward?" I whispered, scared of this strange foreign land.

I looked down and screamed like a man-eating koala bear was gnawing at my best drapes. It wasn't squishy pine needles I had landed on. The ground was made of… gumdrops. Gumdrops of many colors. I gulped. What _was _this place? I looked around in wonder. Lollipop trees grew freely and a chocolate rainbow laced the open sky.

"Can it be?" I whispered in awe. It must be. But just what it must be, I did not know.

"Edwarrrd! You gotta see this!" I shrieked, racing through the lollipop forest like a mad pig looking for truffles. Yet the truffles were hanging in bunches from licorice ropes, dancing in the pixie dust wind. Drool poured from my open mouth like a broken dam.

As I skipped merrily through a field of marshmallows I stopped dead in my tracks. So _that's _where that chanting was coming from. A monstrous milk chocolate castle stood in the field, towering over the candy. The chant poured from the windows, tap-dancing across the field. I gulped again, scampering up to the door.

"Hellooooooo!" I sung, knocking lightly. The chant stopped.

"Bella?" Edward's manly voice came from inside as he opened the door.

"Edward!" I screamed, throwing myself into his arms. His smell of tangerines and sweat socks had been replaced by the saccharine odor of chocolate.

"Bella! There you are! You gotta come meet my new friends!" he chirped, dragging me through the hallway with his chocolate drenched hands.

"Meet, Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry! They are the supreme rulers of this land!" he declared with a goofy chuckle.

"Umm, nice to meet you… but I do have a question." I smiled meekly at them.

"Yes?" they asked in unison.

"Why would the rulers of a candy land be…..pickles?"

"Because, sweet, young girl…. sweet, young, tasty, scrumptious, mouthwatering, delectable, succulent, appetizing girl….it is just how it is." they explained.

"Ahh, I see." I agreed, blatantly ignoring the way they were glaring at me like I was the last donut present at a cop convention.

The giant pickles grinned. Quite evilly, I might add.

"Pssst, Edward….didn't Emmett warn us about this? The prophesy?" I whispered. Edward scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Hmm…I do believe he mentioned something about never trusting giant pickles…because they are merely cucumbers dipped in evil." he agreed.

"So…shouldn't we be leaving?" I squeaked.

"No, they seem perfectly polite to me!" he exclaimed. I nodded.

"Now that you have found your friend…shall we get back to the ceremony?" the pickles asked, slime creeping down their olive colored bumpy bodies.

"Yes! Of course!" Edward giggled. He skipped over to them, lying cheerfully down on the buffet table in front of them. I had a bad feeling in my gut about this. It felt like a blindfolded woodchuck was trying to win the Daytona 500 in my stomach.

"Edward…" I mumbled.

"Silence, scrumptious girl! You will not ruin this for us! We have not had a decent meal in three thousand years!" they roared. Long chains flew from the chocolate floor boards, winding their way around my Edward's wrists and ankles.

"Noooo!" I bawled as their slimy green arms picked up their forks and knives. I fell to the chocolate floor and suddenly I was sinking knee deep into the ground.

"Nooooo! Edward! Nooooo!" I shrieked, slowly slipping into a chocolate tomb. The last image I registered was of Edward grinning goofily up at the mammoth pickles as they tied bibs around their necks and licked their lips like sultry lipstick models. Then everything went black once more.

...

"Bella! Bella, are you alright?" my angel's voice tinkled sweetly in my ear.

"Yes Edward…I'm very alright…" I slobbered, imagining his face, his completely uneaten face clean of pickle juice and melted chocolate. Then I opened my eyes.

"Thank goodness Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed! "Are you sure you're alright? You were having a terrible nightmare, screaming about pickles and prophesies!"

"It was…just a dream?" I asked, dazed.

"Yes Bella, just a dream." Edward smiled, brushing the matted hair back from my face. I threw my arms around him.

Just then Alice came swinging down the tour bus.

"Who replaced the ground with gumdrops?" she asked in a bewildered voice, her blue eyes wide and startled.

I froze.

Dun dun dun.


End file.
